How Does It Feel
by Hibisha
Summary: The I.E cast tells you how it feels to be made gay. WARNING: Will offend if you are a yaoi fan.
1. Endou Mamoru

Hibisha: Hi guys! Happy birthday to me I guess cuz my family sure won't wish me. *rolls eyes* Hate them all. Especially Zo, that bitch. No wait, I hate my little brother more. Ok, so I'm not sure who I hate more.

Burn: Bad day?

Hibisha: I have an Urdu Exam on my birthday. *smiles maniacally*

Gazelle: Urm~I take it you have lost it.

Hibisha: You know what? I think I should commit suicide. You know, leave the world the day I came.

Gazelle: that could only happen if you were committing suicide the day you were born as in the year 1996.

Hibisha: Oh~anyways, I don't own Inazuma Eleven.

* * *

**"Endou Mamoru"**

Do you know how it feels to be chased by millions of girls? Do enlighten me since I have no idea because my fans think I'M GAY!

For the record I am not gay. Not with Gouenji, not with Kidou and especially not with Hiroto. I'm not gay at all. I am a friendly dude, not a queer one. I mean, seriously, how would you feel if people started paring you up with your classmates-of the same gender.

Think about it this way, I am MARRIED! I mean, are you trying to say that I would leave Natsumi, one of the prettiest girls ever, to go have an affair with one of my male colleagues? Seriously? I don't think that even the most deluded person in this planet would think that-wait no, you guys do think that.

Ok, let's see it from a fan-girl point of view: OMG! There's Endou! And there's Gouenji! Oh look! They are laughing and giving each other high fives. Let's completely ignore the fact that they've just won a match and go write sappy stories about them! And if that doesn't work, let's turn one of them into a girl! Yay!

Seriously?

I need everyone to understand that I am happily married and do not wish to ruin my marriage.

I don't think that being friends with a guy who looks like a girl means I am to wed him. I mean if that's the case then bye-bye Kazemaru. I was only comforting the dude after he went all emo on me. Do you let your friend stay suicidal? I hope not. But if you wish, then I shall most probably break all contact with Kazemaru. Cheez!

As for Hiroto, I don't know why you think I would be interested in him. He has weird vermilion hair and is a rich idiot who likes living on daddy's credit card. He also destroyed my school. And although I might have forgiven him as the better person, it doesn't mean I'll date him! I mean think about it-do you really think that I would betray everyone I love to go and love a guy who had the nerve to kill my school. Although, due to him, we did have a whole month without school. Hmm….

Let's make one more thing perfectly clear; I am NOT in love with Kidou. He saved my life and I respect that. But not to the point that I snog him every chance I get! Why does this always happen to me?

And do I even need to mention the others you people seem to think I'm in love with? I must be the biggest slut of the world by this time! Sheesh, there's Haruna, Fuyuka, Aki and Touko! They all love me so why are you ignoring girls and pairing me up with guys?

Please for God's sake stop okay!

* * *

Hibisha: Well?

Burn: I like it!

Gazelle: I love you!


	2. Gouenji Shuuya

Hibisha: Here goes chapter two! You should check out the reviews for this thing.

Burn: Cool. I like this story. What are they about?

Hibisha: About how Endou's chapter was just 'rants and ravings'

Burn: And you're happy…?

Hibisha: Means, I got it right! It WAS supposed to be Endou ranting about his erm- straightness?

Gazelle: I love it.

Hibisha: I don't own Inazuma Eleven.

Gazelle: But Hibisha….Gouenji IS gay.

Gouenji: -.-" Thanks buddy.

* * *

"**Gouenji**** Sh****uu****ya****"**

Does anyone ever ask you whether you want to be gay or not? Apparently not-they just label you gay forever and ever because you are the serious guy who doesn't like to get close to girls. Ignore the fact that I hate the guys equally as much. Ignore the fact that the only time I help people is by hitting them with soccer ball, taking out all my frustrations. Yup, you guessed it-I'm Shuuya Gouenji.

Now, I do not have a crush on my captain. For holy shitting God, I only admire him for his will power, not his body. I am a STRAIGHT GUY! I do not have a thing for Endou! In case you people are forgetting, I didn't join the soccer team for Endou but for Natsumi. There I admit, I have a thing for my best friend's wife-not my best friend himself!

Endou and I are friends true but not lovers. We were never lovers and never will be. I did not stalk him and come to Raimon. Don't even joke about such things. I'm not Edward Cullen! Don't even go there.

Sheesh! I cannot be I love with Shirou either. I mean, the poor guy was obviously terrified and couldn't play soccer. And all I did was what every decent person would do-comfort a very scared kid. Honestly, for one thing, I am immensely jealous of Fubuki. He has a way to get girls. His famous tactic that makes them come swarming-smile. I mean, seriously, I nearly killed him with a soccer ball. Doesn't that show that I hate his guts? No, it obviously means I am totally in love with him and am a freaking pervert who wants him in my bed. Makes perfect sense.

Idiots…

As for being in love with Kidou, I don't know what's wrong with you people. No I don't love with him. I tried to kill him with a soccer ball too but the freak managed to evade me. Although he can't evade me forever! No one can! I will prevail! He has been getting a bit of a big head these days. Plus I wanna break those damned goggles of his! I shall do it for the greater good-my reputation is online here! I cannot let people continue to think that my friend is slightly psychotic. Although, truth be told, he IS slightly psychotic.

Me loving Hiroto is like me being in love with Burn. It just doesn't feel like there's any chemistry-do you know why? Let me tell you….WE'RE BOTH GUYS! And no, making me look like the crazy idiotic psycho who's a freaking rapist won't help either. And I'm not a stalker so that's that idea down the toilet.

What is with you people and freaky gay lovers?

As for being in love with Aphrodi-that is the height of imagination. Aphrodi helped us defeat a very powerful opponent and I am grateful to him. But do not find him totally sexy n all. In fact, on countless occasions, I wish I could kill the guy since he has this arrogant tone and all. I mean, that whole "I am ruler of all" is so last season! Who put a stick up his ass? And why does he have to constantly remind me that we would have lost to Gazelle without him? Creepy girly freak show. And what is the deal with his obnoxious hair flipping?

"I am the greatest"-hair flip.

"Bow down before me."-hair flip.

Seriously? Can someone get me a pair of scissors? That dude needs to look more like a dude!

As for Toramaru, he's a freaking kid for pete's sake! Barely out of elementary school. He's eligible to date my little sister! I think I would rather go out with his older sister. Back to the point, I am not a pedophile! If the kid looks upto me, then that's great. But if you think that it means I'm in love with him for letting him bask in my glory then you are all creepy!

Maybe you're all twilight lovers. Hmm….

As for Someoka….if you're making me gay, does it have to be with a guy who has ugly puked all over him? I AM HOT! H-O-T, HOT! He's not even in the running. He is creepy and very much jealous of me. Oh yeah, I am the best! Bow down before me, you mere mortal fool.

Might I remind you Atsuya is dead? And he also hates my guts. And pretty much everything about me. Can't say I find him all that nice either-he's evil! He is like on the alien's side! I know he is! He is also out for revenge-I did kick him with a ball. BUT YOU SHALL NEVER GET ME ALIVE!-and hopefully, when I die too. He's in Hell. I'm sure of it. And I am hopefully going to Heaven otherwise Satan *cough* Atsuya *cough* is going to stick his pitch fork in my ass.

The point is, I'm not gay! And never will be. Never in the future shall I find myself desiring male company. I need girls. There, call me a pervert but at least I ain't gay! I am what I am and what I am is what I am and what I am is what you want to be but what you want me to be is not what I am? Get it?

If you do, then could you please explain it to me?

Over and out!

* * *

Hibisha: Well?

Gouenji: I could kill you.

Hibisha: Why? Are you gay?

Gouenji: No but you didn't have to make me sound so…..

Hibisha: Crazy? Well, you are what you are!


	3. Kazemaru Ichirouta

Hibisha: we are slowly making progress!

Burn: So when does my chapter come? I have a LOT to say.

Hibisha: After a few chapters. I don't own Inazuma Eleven. And **Medicine, **you're right, this is sort of that story, "Letters to the Fanfictioners" type of story. Mew~

**For those who think Shuuya didn't know Atsuya since he died at 7, excuse me but I can not help wonder whether you have even SEEN Inazuma Eleven. What the hell was controlling Shirou's body? Aliens? Atsuya's SOUL was in Shirou's body...stupid.**

* * *

"**Kazemaru Ichirouta****"**

Does looking like a girl make you homo-no it doesn't. Does the fact that you seem to be skinny make you a homo? No. So why on earth do fans think it's perfectly normal to give me a boyfriend?

Kazemaru Ichirouta here.

No, I am not in love with Endou. Don't even go there. It's too gross to imagine. Just because I was fascinated by this guy who was pretty much beating himself up does not mean that I am in love with him. It means I am amused that a person can be so masochistic! I mean, he was a freaking inch from death but he still didn't die. He needs to go to the hospital-or an asylum. Oh yeah, definitely an asylum. His head is screwed up! I mean, I get it, you're strong willed and all but when someone is pretty much killing you, you run. Although, somehow he always survives.

But no-you think it means I am completely head over heels in love with him. I'm a sadistic guy. Emo n all. I don't believe in love. And if my stupid captain wants me to stay on the team when it's clear we're going to lose then it's his stupid fault, not mine. And if I hug him when we won the FFI, it means I'm happy, not gay. But then again-gay also means happy. Hmmm…amusing.

I am also not in love with Miles. He's my best friend, not lover. Have you ever been accused of being gay? And with your best friend-in case of fan girls-have you been accused of being lesbians? No, a girl can be uncomfortably close to another girl and be called sweet while if a guy so much as slings an arm around another, he's labeled gay. Wtf? Miles was my track field partner and he is super fast.

As for Hiroto, that guy creeped me out to extents no one has. So why on earth would I snog him? No real reason exists. Just idiotic fans thinking pretty much nothing means that I have a thing for him. Worse than that, they seem to think that I am scared of him because he was raping me…not because he was totally killing us on the field.

I am not in love with any guy!

Especially not Shirou! That dude is my best friend, not BOYfriend! Sheesh! Shirou is a great friend. He even helps me get dates, sets up double dates. But that doesn't mean we're on a date! He's a lot like me though, speedy n all. BUT WE ARE NOT SOUL MATES! You girls seriously need a new hobby….spy on the neighbors once in a while will ya?

Atsuya is scary. He's mad and cold and makes Burn look like a cute little puppy. And he is also kind of a bad guy-as in on the opposite side. He is evil-there is nothing Shirou can say which will convince me otherwise.

I think recently some one pair me up with Mark Kruger. I don't even have any weird scenes with Kruger! Am I that undesirable to girls? Is asking for a girlfriend that big a favor? How hard is it to find a girl? The world is crawling with girls!

Do I love Gouenji? No I don't. Are we clear on that? Gouenji and I are just friends through Endou. We have nothing in common except our love for soccer. We have ONE move together. Just one! He's sort of cool and composed and I think he has feelings for Natsumi-which is totally reasonable, being Endou's best friend-it's like a soap opera! Natsumi is sort of cute but spoiled to bits. Rich brat. Yeah, that pretty much sums her up.

Not gay here! Just girly lookin.

Kazemaru has left the building.

* * *

Hibisha: O….kay…

Burn: That was slightly weird.

Hibisha: You think? I couldn't think of anyone else he could be paired up with O.O"

Burn: That's good right?

Hibisha: Oh yes.


	4. Special: The Fubuki Twins

Hibisha: Yay! My favorite chapter! This is a special chapter!

Burn: Fubuki's ranting? This is gonna be epic.

Hibisha: I know right? Everyone loves the Fubukis!

Burn: Erm~right.

Zonex: Gazelle rules!

Burn: What am I? Cotton Candy?

Hibisha: No-you're Burn the awesome! Btw, all the bolded out parts are Atsuya! I don't own Inazuma Eleven.

* * *

"**The Fubuki Twins****"**

Hello to all the beautiful women out there. Note how I didn't say 'all the handsome dudes out there'. Any guesses why? BECAUSE I'M NOT GAY! Not with Endou or anyone else!

**Or so you think.**

Shut up Atsuya! Anyways, like I was saying, I am not homosexual. I flirt with girls on a regular basis and you all know it's true! I mean, when a girl looks at my face, I don't expect her to whisper to her friends "OMG! Isn't that Shirou Fubuki? I heard he's totally going out with Endou!"

**Oh please! They pair you up with Gouenji or Hiroto. Worse! Someoka!**

SHUT UP ATSUYA! Anyways, I admit, I did have some very gayish scenes but that does not make me gay! Believe me, I have nothing against homosexuality but it does bother me when girls think I'm gay and then don't even come up and say hi, thinking they have no chance! I hate it! I am straight! I am not in love with any dude from my team! Or any other team for that matter.

…

Anyways, Lets me count the ways I am not gay and why….

I shall start with Gouenji. I am not in love with him! I am not dependant on him. In fact, I fucking hate him! He bleedin hit me with a flaming ball. That does not mean he loves me. In fact, it actually means that he and I are sworn enemies and loathe each other intensely. Oh, and he's jealous of me! Oh yeah Gouenji! I said it, you green-eyed monster's minion!

See, Gouenji is an asylum psychotic who needs to be locked up because he is truly insane! I mean, who the hell goes around freakin hitting people when they are going through their mourning period? I was a small helpless child, scared of loud noises and the dark. He went out of his way to make my life hell by making sure I'm scared of a soccer ball! Shit head. And this may seem out of character, but he deserves all these abuses I'm throwing at daddy's lil boy!

…

Secondly, I am not gay with Someoka! I will NEVER be gay with Someoka! He's weird, creepy, very tall *I hate tall guys….they make me feel so small.* and oh yeah, he's also insanely jealous of me. It seems that Gouenji isn't the only minion the green-eyed monster has. Sheesh, why does the green-eyed monster hate me so much, sending all its minions after me! Someoka also has pink hair. Now, I don't have anything against pink hair but the thing is, he's a mean, rough, *ugly* dude with PINK hair. Pink hair works well with Atsuya for some reason although I shall never get why. Guys don't have pink hair! It looks unnatural!

**If I were you, I'd stop talking now Shirou!**

Sorry bro! Anyways, he also has a big mole on his face and he was also very mean to me when I first came to the Inazuma Caravan. Sheesh, I didn't ask the Inazuma Caravan to come to me. I am seriously concluding that Someoka is in love with Gouenji! I mean it! Seriously? Hating me for replacing Gouenji? They came on their own, trying to replace Gouenji. All I did was defend my school when the aliens came to demolish it! Curse Midorikawa and his 'acting'.

This brings me to all the aliens you people are thinking of pairing me up with. We start with Hiroto! I am not, repeat not, in love with Hiroto. He is gay; I'll give you that but that doesn't mean I'm gay too!

**That is a matter of opinion.**

ATSUYA! Anyways, Hiroto is really just a friend! Honestly! Can't I have any male friends without being labelled gay? I think I'll cry if you say yes! Are you paired off with you best friends? No right? So why do you pair me up with my friends? Besides, Hiroto is too busy being gay with Endou. We have a move together and I respect that. Nothing more!

Midorikawa is a very close friend although I still am convinced he's evil! I mean, who the hell goes and destroys schools and then declares it was just an 'act'? It was NOT an act! He was just pissed at everyone and decided to take his revenge on the world for not caring he was orphan. Well Midorikawa ain't the only lil orphan Annie! I'm an orphan too! Oh and he has ice-cream hair. EPIC! Modified version of Gouenji. He looks a girl when he isn't the ice-cream man!

…

Kazemaru is one of my closest friends! We are like really close since we are somewhat similar with the whole 'be like the wind' thing. He's like a brother I never had.

**What am I? Tooth paste?**

More like a tooth ache.

**Thanks Shirou. I can feel the love.**

Anytime bro! Anyways, Kazemaru is only a good friend. Not my boyfriend! He likes to snowboard with me since we both like feeling the rush of the wind and we like to race against each other to see who's speedier; just friendly competition.

**We so totally cream him!**

Atsuya! We are not being competitive. It's just for the kicks of it.

**Yeah sure. As long as we win. If we start to lose, then it's personal!**

Heh-okay…..Anyhow, me no gay with Kazemaru!

Aphrodi is a also freaking friend! He also looks like a girl but that doesn't make him one! And he was just feeling sorry for me. I got the whole pity thing going for me if you haven't noticed! And Aphrodi was just trying to prove he's human. He wasn't trying to prove he's gay because he is NOT!

**Guilty until proven innocent.**

Erm-Atsuya I think you got the proverb wrong…

**No I didn't. Did it imply that Aphodi's gay?**

Yes but-

**Then I see no problem!**

ATSUYA! You're being rude!

**I'm being rude? I am paired up with a 7 year old girl! How do you figure that? I mean, sure I died when I was 7 but if you look at it that way, I'm dead! On one hand I'm a pedophile and on the other I'm gay with Someoka and Gouenji. Or even Burn! I mean, I don't even know this Burn guy! I am so disgusted with all of this that I don't wanna live in this world anymore!**

You think you have problems? It matter doesn't if you don't wanna live in this world anymore because you're not living anyways! As for me, they make me both pedophile and gay in one go! Yukimura is a kid I thought who was like you and decided to act all fatherly to! I mean, if he were an orphan I'd adopt him, not MARRY him! I mean Yukimura? Seriously? Couldn't find anyone better?

**My problem is still worse.**

Is not!

**Is so!**

Shut up!

**You shut up!**

That's it! I'm not talking to you.

**Finally I get some peace and quiet!**

How could you say that? T.T

**Like this: shut up! I'm going to rest. Bye bye.**

Bye bye Atsu-chan.

Last of all! for all of you making me date my brother, I think I'll go puke in the river. That's incest people! And wrong on so many levels that I think I'll vomit on the camera. I love my brother. I can't deny that, but I think I can pretty much assume you love your siblings too. And I don't see people saying that you are dating your sister or brother!

Sheesh! What is wrong with girls these days!

I'm out! Goodnight!

* * *

Hibisha: Did you like it?

Shirou: Uh-huh!

Atsuya: I loved it! It was beautiful! TwT

Hibisha: Thanks! Please review!


	5. Ichinose Kazuya

Hibisha: And we're back and on a roll!

Burn: Hibisha doesn't own the characters. On with the ranting!

Gazelle: *smirking* Hey Hibisha, I heard you got something planned for Hiroto…

Hibisha: *snickering* Oh that is one epic chapter.

Burn: *innocently* I believe he is next…

Hibisha: Yup! No wait, I'll shift him to last!

* * *

"**Ichinose Kazuya****"**

"All I have to say is that I am very grateful to both Rika and Aki for making SURE that there are NO gay stories on fanfiction about me.

Looking around I realize that I should thank the fans as well. *^_^*

I am as straight as ever! And here I thought that fans made EVERYONE gay! Hahahaha. Thanks again!

I guess I should have more to say but since I don't fit in context here…..

Wait, lemme check the M-rated stuff…

Fingers are cossed…

AND WE HAVE NOTHING!

Thanks again!"

* * *

Hibisha: Stupid.

Burn: Epicness.

Gazelle: I am envious of Kazuya.


	6. Midorikawa Ryuuji

Hibisha: Read it! BURN READ IT! *holds a plastic gun over Burn's head*

Gazelle: *walking into the room* What's going on?

Zonex: She's demonstrating how apparently people think she's making them read this... *mimics readers* "Oh I don't wanna read this anymore!" -.-" Is she physically or emotionally blackmailing you in any way? No, so I don't see why we have a problem here. Many people think we've reached an impasse- its only an impasse when you idiots won't stop reading what you don't like. There's porn online but you don't see holy men GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY to check it out and preach, do you? So yes, I, being one who likes to give passionate speeches, beseech all of you people who don't like the PLOT- *this is not directed to those who mean to improve or point out grammatical errors or sentence fractures*- don't read it. -.-

Hibisha: What she said.

Zonex: I mean, I don't like Twilight, that's why I didn't go and fucking sit in the Cinema to WATCH the damn movies then make fun of it. -.- Sorry, I don't really see the point of all this. Apparently, people have a lot of time nowadays. :p

Hibisha: On with the fic! I do not own Midorikawa!

* * *

**"Midorikawa Ryuuji"**

Hiya! Midorikawa Ryuuji here! How's it going every one?

Since I'm a straight guy, I'll get to the point.-wait, I already did-I'M A STRAIGHT GUY! I know some of you won't believe me but you have to! I do not love Hiroto! (T.T) Please believe me! I love girls-no, I am not a pervert. I am just making a point. Listen to me, and when I talk to you all, try to hear what I say. Don't hear what you _think _I'll say. Here goes. I. Am. Not. Gay.

Simple as that. Four words that is.

But the thing is, the female mind is much more complex than these four ordinary words…..

This is what happened to my words:

**Step 1: **The words enter the girl's brain.

**Step 2: **the female mind chooses the words it likes. "I" "Gay"

**Step 3: **The female mind manipulates your words for their own twisted games. "I am gay."

**Step 4: **The female mind needs four words so the last word is who ever I am supposedly confessing to. "I am gay Hiroto."

See? Such complications-what you send through one end is received in a weird manner at the other. I need a small translator. So that what I say can be translated into "fan language".

Let's get on with the pairings.

First of all, Hiroto is my brother. He is not my boyfriend. I am speaking in short sentences so that you can understand me. He may be stalker freak-Edward Cullen-but you can just stick that with him. Not me. I already have a girl I like…now if only she knew I existed. There are about 214 stories of me on fanfiction and 164 of them are love stories with Hiroto…can I cry now?

Moving on…

We have Burn and Gazelle. What kind of a death wish do you think I have anyways? I may be suicidal but technically, I'm not masochistic. Why would I torture myself? Burn would kill me slowly. Very slowly. And Gazelle? Yeah he'd just castrate me. He will. He loves himself and hates everyone else.

Now for Aphrodi; I don't even know his full name. That guy-yeah, I have met him ONCE in my life. Just once! And I declared him a freak. I may have "acted" to be an alien, but he claims to be a God. He's worse off than me.

Shirou is my best friend. And I have a feeling he knows that my "act" wasn't an act…..hmmm….

Kazemaru? He's a friend but we never see eye to eye. Dunno why.

I don't know why you continue to make be gay. What have I ever done to you? There is nothing wrong with being gay but if I'm not gay, then I'm not. It just is. You can't change it. It's sad to see most fandom do this to me. Why do you do this to me?

I think it's time to go slice my wrists open. I am emo after all-depressed too.

Bye bye. Have a nice day. Remember, I ain't gay.

* * *

Hibisha: Well?

Burn: Isn't it kinda short?

Hibisha: I'm sorry but he's mostly paired up Hiroto. And there's only so much I can write about that vampire.

Gazelle: True that. Ok, but next time, can we exceed at least 700 words?


End file.
